2015

It’s 2015 and there are no flying cars. How disappointing.

A couple months back, my nephew turned 9 and there is no greater reminder of how much time has passed than a growing child that you have once held in your arms almost a decade ago.

I’ve been rereading my post for the past decade this last couple of days and some of them made me cringe with embarrassment while some brought back heartfelt memories of struggle and bliss.

I’m turning 30 this year and I have all sorts of things running through my head yet  I have this big pit of fire burning in my belly waiting to be unleashed.

Thirty is a big one for me and I intend to transform my life from hereon.

But I don’t have any idea how just yet. Awesome.

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As a teenager, my most prized possession was an old 21 inches Sony colored TV. It was 1998 and papa had just purchased a new TV replacing the old one after a decade of providing us good entertainment. While the new and shiny unit sat in our living room, papa agreed to transfer the old one to my room. Yay! Before that, my mom monopolizes the channel options to her Filipino Telenovelas. I don’t want to sound such a snob but after years of watching the same old tired dramatic plot line, I was ecstatic that I can finally watch anything other than Judy Ann Santos or Kristine Hermosa.

Then came my obsession on American series from F.R.I.E.N.D.S to the Adventures of Alex Mack, Charmed and CSI Las Vegas. I’ve never looked backed since and being exposed to the western culture and lifestyle  (however superficial may it be) in the movies fueled my desire to live abroad. I was that wide eyed girl dreaming about living in neighborhood with manicured lawns, schools that have no uniforms, beautiful countryside and driving your own car at 17.

For a while back then, I did not know if I’ll ever make it out. The stench of the stagnated garbage and canals in the crowded area where we used to live was a painful reality that smacked me right in the face every time I drift into my ambitious happy place. Some neighbors married foreigners in quiet desperation to get out of the country and I also contemplated that option in my head but could never bring myself to marry out of convenience. I’d rather be poor and wildly happy in love than be in the west with an old fart. Or better yet, just remain single.

I eventually made it out and landed here in the Middle East about 7 years ago with nothing in my pocket except  the big dream of immigration in the west hovering over my head. Thanks to generous relatives who kept me under their wing, I finally settled into a nice stable job since and have prospered in this country of black Gold. I got married to a foreigner eventually but  not out of convenience. Our years together has been full of love and he also shares the dream of moving west someday.

Thus, our immigration journey to Canada began. We tried the US & UK but their current rules are not very welcoming.

The first thing that we needed to decide on was if we were going to appoint an agency or do it ourselves. I did my research online and was surprised to see so many helpful sites and forums. It gave me the confidence to pursue it on my own, saving money in the process.

The best two sites that can answer all your questions are:

http://www.cic.gc.ca – this is the official immigration site of Canada where all the forms and instructions can be found

http://www.canadavisa.com – where the you can find updates and forums of people who have decided to hold their immigration fate in their own hands. Find comfort in being surrounded by people in the same journey and there is no charge or limit to the questions you ask.

We went for our IELTS exam back in July and got the required points at first try. Whew! (Big load off the chest). My employer was kind enough to provide me with the very detailed experience letter they required. Our application was received in September and we have been impatiently awaiting the verdict since then.

It’s quite unnerving that in the next few weeks, we could be dealt with a really tough blow when the news hits. Either we will be celebrating madly and progress to the next steps or  we’ll be swimming in our own pool of tears. Whatever happens. Life’s been good and  if this does not work out, we shall move forward and find other paths towards that goal.

It’s mid-August in Dubai and that means we have just endured another scorching hot summer in the Middle East. Last June was my 7th year in this metropolis and I’ve come a long way since being that gal who’s a little green behind the ears.

I now know Dubai in my sleep. I cuss at taxi drivers when they’re disrespectful and know where to find the good eats. Whenever I go away for a while , I find myself missing this place. My little home in an address that I can’t be proud of but I still feel grateful because I couldn’t have had a better life.

These last few months really got me wondering and I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that this might be as far as I can go. In my mind, I feel like I can still reach places if I really want to but it feels like I’ve clipped my own wings. Like I’m just wandering around in this transient place without any idea where I’m headed to next.

I need some clues please. A sign? A raging storm in this extremely boring life.

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One thing that I haven’t quite shared in this blog is that my husband and I have been trying to have a little angel for over two years now. It’s over two years now of eagerly waiting for that positive test, two years of pouring over charts, forums and symptoms of early pregnancy and whole lot of baby dancing but to no success.

 I’ve consulted an OBGYN as early as last year and that was when I was diagnosed with PCOS ( Polycystic ovaries syndrome) which in simple terms means that due to my hormonal imbalance,I do not ovulate on schedule and sometimes not at all. After popping a lot of pills and going through a cycle of Clomid with no success, I decided to take control and lose those excess weight in the hopes that it would increase our chances of conceiving. It has been a long, frustrating journey so far and I turn green with envy every time I see another pregnancy post in FB or a photo shoot of them hugging their precious bundles. Why can’t it happen to me too?

 I guess that’s really the irony of life and how you can’t have everything you want right away. I’ve spent all of my adolescent life trying to avoid being pregnant and now that I’m like 200% ready for it, my body doesn’t seem to cooperate. Last night, I dreamed about my husband being pregnant and with twins too! How crazy is that? Obviously, these anxieties are now manifesting themselves into my dreams in a ridiculous form. K with a big tummy and with imprints of two sets of hands and feet. I didn’t know if I was screaming for delight or horror when I saw that.

Sometimes, I peek through the diaper and baby section at the grocery store and silently wish that I was filling up my basket with those instead of boring vegetables and when we shop for baby clothes as gift to friends with new-borns, I wish I can just keep them for myself.

Come soon into our life little one. I promise that we will spoil you rotten with love.

 

It’s me,

Your desperate future mommy

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It’s day 212 and my current weight stands at 59-60kgs. The evil greasy food has won over me. I’ve fallen off the wagon completely since I have now ventured on normal food grounds again.

For the last few weeks, I’ve eaten almost anything I want from burgers, chips, rice, fried food and chocolates but I’m no longer afraid. Because I know how to pull the reins now when I think I’ve had enough.

The lowest weight I’ve ever reached was 57kgs but I was starving and shaking already at that point so I made a decision to stop and indulge for a bit and it made me feel better. I started Yoga  and Pilates in this great wellness centre in Sheikh Zayed Road called Balance. Their facilities are excellent and the studio is so Zen like I completely zone out and float into blissful meditation while in class.

This journey has really been rewarding and I’m so glad that I made it this far. I shared my eating plan to a lot of friends but none of them made it through. Perhaps it was too strict and regimented for them.

And yes, you kind of really need to want it bad enough to succeed. I’m not yet on tip-top shape but I know I’ll get there at the right time.

Wow, how time flies! I can’t believe it’s been two months since my last update. I was 61 kgs at that time and here I am about to blame the holidays for my very slow progress. I indulged quite a bit as the husband and I went on a trip to London, Christmas and new year happened and some other bad days that resulted to me going off plan.

But still, I managed to lose 3 kgs since my last update. So here’s me celebrating small victories. Whoopeedooo!! That’s a total of 14 kilos in 4 months.

I’m down to my last 5 kilos. It’s getting harder and harder everyday. I’ve been nibbling lately on all sorts of dried fruits, nuts and seeds. I’ve been complacent as of late and mostly because I know I’ve reached the normal range. It can be maddening also sometimes – obsessing so much over food. I don’t want to turn into that person who nitpicks everything that I eat plus that kind of lifestyle is not really sustainable.

So on the downside, I could have reached my goal by now if only I was strict enough to follow it to the dot. But I lived a little and I won’t beat myself up for that.

Cheers! Here’s to moving forward and burning the last 5 kilos!

Normal range at last!!!!   It’s been days since I’ve been stuck in this weight but today I chose to see the positive side of things instead.
It’s been two months of eating healthily. I still crave all the greasy stuff but the leafy greens are much welcomed by my body now.

My weight loss has been moving at a glacial pace now but again, I’m not going to focus on that now but instead celebrate the disgusting layers of lard I have lost since I started: 11 kilos!

I’m in no mood to blog today because of the devastations that happened in my country because of typhoon Haiyan and I’m still grieving from the huge number of lives lost due to this calamity. But we will persevere. We will rise again from this fall. I’m just relieved that my hometown was spared from the worst and the family is happy and well back home.