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Monthly Archives: October 2013

These evil cravings are driving me mad . Last week it was the scale that wasn’t moving and after I decided that I will stop myself from compulsively weighing myself, this unbearable craving for sweets, burgers and anything greasy is rearing its ugly head. What’s next?

We have guests this week and eating out is inevitable . I tried my best to stick to the plan but last night, I deviated a little by having some gravy of the butter chicken and my God, the flavor was dancing in my mouth. It took every ounce of self-restraint for me not to lick that bowl empty. Boy, I guess that’s how relapse feels like.

Today, I feel equally desperate. Which makes me conclude that I am indeed a hopeless emotional eater. God help me.

ImageI cheated last night. It was bacon, cheese, chips and a sinful velvet cupcake.I devoured everything in my mouth in mere seconds. The sugar rushing through my veins like adrenaline.

It all feels too familiar and it seems to satisfy the fat chick inside me. I can feel her sense of victory  after I’ve fallen off the wagon. But alas, I woke up and realised that it was just a dream.

I felt relieved that I have still kept to my regimen after 35 days.This is the farthest I’ve ever sustained a diet and I’m scared that I will not be able to reach my personal finish line of 50 kgs.

That’s 14 more kilos to go and I know that this mass does not define me as a person and I look fine just the way I am but there is that nagging thought inside my head saying that I can be the best version of myself at this age and I owe it to myself. Why give up and just fade into the background? Might sound vain but I really need this. I’ve never felt so determined in my whole life.

The scales have stopped moving again. My weight has been yoyoing for the last 10 days and I feel desperate. Like a junkie trying to find the next high.

So to satisfy my inner fat chick, I’ll list down all the things that I’m really craving to eat right now. Hopefully, that will release all the built up frustration I’m feeling right now.

1) Mean chicken Bon Chon with soy and rice
2) Tempting chicken Katsudon with rice and takuyaki
3) Lechon belly, the big greasy, fatty one
4) Just off the grill Larsians barbeque
5) Chicken Tagala swimming in grease
6) Dimsum steamed rice with siomai, two servings
7) Lamesa’s unlimited Crispy pata, toccino and sisig
8) Supersized McDonalds big tasty burger and fries
9) 4 piece chicken taza will lotsa garlic paste

Oh what a treat it will be. Specially that I have the means to spend and stuff all of the junk inside my mouth. This is how disgusting my cravings are. No wonder I’ve ballooned so much all these years. I made it happen – no one else did.

I will not let them overpower me this time. I won’t completely turn my back on these treats but I will be very careful around them.Moderation is the key.

Image

Wooohoo! I’ve been stepping on the scale everyday and it’s just exhilarating whenever I see it move. Today, I’m 3 kgs lighter than  13 days ago. 63 kgs now from 72kgs in roughly 4 weeks and 4 days. Thirteen days seemed like a year but the truth is, it’s the fastest time I’ve ever lost this amount of weight so I’m thrilled.

There were definitely days in between that I had to eat out and was deathly afraid to be deviating but I did not let it stress me out. Instead, I ordered grilled chicken or steak and just eyeballed my portions. Stuck to my veggies and diet sodas. It all worked out well.

Yesterday, I pulled out dresses that I’ve kept at the back of my closet – the ones that I’ve been keeping until ‘ I will finally lose the weight’ and guess what….they all fit now. Such a relief.If I’d only known that it was this easy.

Scratch that. It’s not easy at all but I’m not perpetually starving while on this diet so I’m less tempted to stuff the next junk I can find and that image at the back of my mind,the skinny chick that awaits at the end of this journey keeps me motivated.

I’m tired of being a fatty. Sure it doesn’t define me as a person but the hard truth is, a lot of important things for one’s well being comes easy when you’re at the normal weight range.

So cheers to marching on towards the finish line.I think I have 2 more months to go to reach my weight goal but I will push forward. I want this.

It’s been a week since my last post and I have plateaued right now at 66 kg. So far I’ve lost 13.22lbs since Day 1. My lower goal weight is 50kgs with an upper goal of 55kg so I guess 16kg more to gooooo…!

There were some annoyances lately like my digital scale seems to be reading differently compared to my analog one but I like the figures of my analog one better so I’m sticking to that for now ( for motivational purposes!).There were also days wherein food was not so great. I’ve totally taken out fish out of my diet because I can’t stand it. I’ve never really liked fish eversince before but I try to eat prawns once in awhile.

The weight has not been dropping lately. Which is very frustrating but on the other hand, losing 6 kgs in 3 weeks seems adequate. More than that is quite alarming and could well be harmful.

I’ve also had a few deviations.Four days out of 21 to be specific. We had colleagues visiting so I went out with them for drinks one time and ate a shared appetizer platter. The second time was dinner in honor of our VIP guest and it’s just too embarassing to refuse or pack a meal so I had grilled chicken. fish, mossouka, hommous and arabic bread plus white whine.Grrr. I really hated myself after that.

Another struggle is during fridays when I generally sleep in with the husband. There was one friday that I skipped breakfast and snacks because I was still in bed.

It’s really tough being 100% compliant.Specially with the social aspect of my life. I tend to say no to friends going out now or even dread going to the movies as I can’t have my usual popcorn or nachos with cheese (drooling right now!)

My weight loss is not that obvious yet but my clothes fit better and some have really loosened. I feel great most days but some days I feel like just stopping at the next fast food chain I can get hold of.

Realizations

Being on this diet really showed me how unhealthy I was eating before. I’d often complain about the weight gain and  was constantly in denial of binging on food. Well the truth is, I might not have stuffed myself to being uncomfortably full but the quality of the food I ate was disgusting. Here are some of my bad eating habits.

1) I can’t get by without going to McDonald’s at least once a week.
2) I never used to drink more than a glass of water per day.
3) I used to skip breakfast and have a heavy lunch thinking that I’ve saved myself from consuming more calories
4) I never had any restrain on my cravings and my husband indulges me every time so it’s really just up to me to say no.
5) I love to use butter, soy and salt excessively when cooking.
6) I couldn’t live without carbs be it bread, rice or pasta. They use to be my staples!
7) Fast food was my comfort food. I’d have a burger on a really stressful day.
8) Even if I was full, I’d always grab an extra cone of ice cream to top off my meal
9) I stopped drinking sodas but was highly dependent on sugary fruit drinks.
10) Exercising was counterproductive since it made me more hungry.
11) I would chew a small pack of gummy bear after a heavy meal.
12) I would munch on junk food when I’m bored.
13) I never listened to my body. I ate whenever I liked to and never paid attention as to how much my food weighed.

This journey has been a very good learning experience for me and it really helped me understand how I turned my body into this 150lbs of fat factory but I’m looking forward from hereon and striving to succeed in losing 15 kgs more. It might be a small weight to lose for some but it’s an uphill battle for someone like me who never used to have any restrictions in eating.

Gotta bring that sexy back in 3 months!