One thing that I haven’t quite shared in this blog is that my husband and I have been trying to have a little angel for over two years now. It’s over two years now of eagerly waiting for that positive test, two years of pouring over charts, forums and symptoms of early pregnancy and whole lot of baby dancing but to no success.
I’ve consulted an OBGYN as early as last year and that was when I was diagnosed with PCOS ( Polycystic ovaries syndrome) which in simple terms means that due to my hormonal imbalance,I do not ovulate on schedule and sometimes not at all. After popping a lot of pills and going through a cycle of Clomid with no success, I decided to take control and lose those excess weight in the hopes that it would increase our chances of conceiving. It has been a long, frustrating journey so far and I turn green with envy every time I see another pregnancy post in FB or a photo shoot of them hugging their precious bundles. Why can’t it happen to me too?
I guess that’s really the irony of life and how you can’t have everything you want right away. I’ve spent all of my adolescent life trying to avoid being pregnant and now that I’m like 200% ready for it, my body doesn’t seem to cooperate. Last night, I dreamed about my husband being pregnant and with twins too! How crazy is that? Obviously, these anxieties are now manifesting themselves into my dreams in a ridiculous form. K with a big tummy and with imprints of two sets of hands and feet. I didn’t know if I was screaming for delight or horror when I saw that.
Sometimes, I peek through the diaper and baby section at the grocery store and silently wish that I was filling up my basket with those instead of boring vegetables and when we shop for baby clothes as gift to friends with new-borns, I wish I can just keep them for myself.
Come soon into our life little one. I promise that we will spoil you rotten with love.
Your desperate future mommy