These evil cravings are driving me mad . Last week it was the scale that wasn’t moving and after I decided that I will stop myself from compulsively weighing myself, this unbearable craving for sweets, burgers and anything greasy is rearing its ugly head. What’s next?

We have guests this week and eating out is inevitable . I tried my best to stick to the plan but last night, I deviated a little by having some gravy of the butter chicken and my God, the flavor was dancing in my mouth. It took every ounce of self-restraint for me not to lick that bowl empty. Boy, I guess that’s how relapse feels like.

Today, I feel equally desperate. Which makes me conclude that I am indeed a hopeless emotional eater. God help me.

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ImageI cheated last night. It was bacon, cheese, chips and a sinful velvet cupcake.I devoured everything in my mouth in mere seconds. The sugar rushing through my veins like adrenaline.

It all feels too familiar and it seems to satisfy the fat chick inside me. I can feel her sense of victory  after I’ve fallen off the wagon. But alas, I woke up and realised that it was just a dream.

I felt relieved that I have still kept to my regimen after 35 days.This is the farthest I’ve ever sustained a diet and I’m scared that I will not be able to reach my personal finish line of 50 kgs.

That’s 14 more kilos to go and I know that this mass does not define me as a person and I look fine just the way I am but there is that nagging thought inside my head saying that I can be the best version of myself at this age and I owe it to myself. Why give up and just fade into the background? Might sound vain but I really need this. I’ve never felt so determined in my whole life.

The scales have stopped moving again. My weight has been yoyoing for the last 10 days and I feel desperate. Like a junkie trying to find the next high.

So to satisfy my inner fat chick, I’ll list down all the things that I’m really craving to eat right now. Hopefully, that will release all the built up frustration I’m feeling right now.

1) Mean chicken Bon Chon with soy and rice
2) Tempting chicken Katsudon with rice and takuyaki
3) Lechon belly, the big greasy, fatty one
4) Just off the grill Larsians barbeque
5) Chicken Tagala swimming in grease
6) Dimsum steamed rice with siomai, two servings
7) Lamesa’s unlimited Crispy pata, toccino and sisig
8) Supersized McDonalds big tasty burger and fries
9) 4 piece chicken taza will lotsa garlic paste

Oh what a treat it will be. Specially that I have the means to spend and stuff all of the junk inside my mouth. This is how disgusting my cravings are. No wonder I’ve ballooned so much all these years. I made it happen – no one else did.

I will not let them overpower me this time. I won’t completely turn my back on these treats but I will be very careful around them.Moderation is the key.

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Wooohoo! I’ve been stepping on the scale everyday and it’s just exhilarating whenever I see it move. Today, I’m 3 kgs lighter than  13 days ago. 63 kgs now from 72kgs in roughly 4 weeks and 4 days. Thirteen days seemed like a year but the truth is, it’s the fastest time I’ve ever lost this amount of weight so I’m thrilled.

There were definitely days in between that I had to eat out and was deathly afraid to be deviating but I did not let it stress me out. Instead, I ordered grilled chicken or steak and just eyeballed my portions. Stuck to my veggies and diet sodas. It all worked out well.

Yesterday, I pulled out dresses that I’ve kept at the back of my closet – the ones that I’ve been keeping until ‘ I will finally lose the weight’ and guess what….they all fit now. Such a relief.If I’d only known that it was this easy.

Scratch that. It’s not easy at all but I’m not perpetually starving while on this diet so I’m less tempted to stuff the next junk I can find and that image at the back of my mind,the skinny chick that awaits at the end of this journey keeps me motivated.

I’m tired of being a fatty. Sure it doesn’t define me as a person but the hard truth is, a lot of important things for one’s well being comes easy when you’re at the normal weight range.

So cheers to marching on towards the finish line.I think I have 2 more months to go to reach my weight goal but I will push forward. I want this.

It’s been a week since my last post and I have plateaued right now at 66 kg. So far I’ve lost 13.22lbs since Day 1. My lower goal weight is 50kgs with an upper goal of 55kg so I guess 16kg more to gooooo…!

There were some annoyances lately like my digital scale seems to be reading differently compared to my analog one but I like the figures of my analog one better so I’m sticking to that for now ( for motivational purposes!).There were also days wherein food was not so great. I’ve totally taken out fish out of my diet because I can’t stand it. I’ve never really liked fish eversince before but I try to eat prawns once in awhile.

The weight has not been dropping lately. Which is very frustrating but on the other hand, losing 6 kgs in 3 weeks seems adequate. More than that is quite alarming and could well be harmful.

I’ve also had a few deviations.Four days out of 21 to be specific. We had colleagues visiting so I went out with them for drinks one time and ate a shared appetizer platter. The second time was dinner in honor of our VIP guest and it’s just too embarassing to refuse or pack a meal so I had grilled chicken. fish, mossouka, hommous and arabic bread plus white whine.Grrr. I really hated myself after that.

Another struggle is during fridays when I generally sleep in with the husband. There was one friday that I skipped breakfast and snacks because I was still in bed.

It’s really tough being 100% compliant.Specially with the social aspect of my life. I tend to say no to friends going out now or even dread going to the movies as I can’t have my usual popcorn or nachos with cheese (drooling right now!)

My weight loss is not that obvious yet but my clothes fit better and some have really loosened. I feel great most days but some days I feel like just stopping at the next fast food chain I can get hold of.

Realizations

Being on this diet really showed me how unhealthy I was eating before. I’d often complain about the weight gain and  was constantly in denial of binging on food. Well the truth is, I might not have stuffed myself to being uncomfortably full but the quality of the food I ate was disgusting. Here are some of my bad eating habits.

1) I can’t get by without going to McDonald’s at least once a week.
2) I never used to drink more than a glass of water per day.
3) I used to skip breakfast and have a heavy lunch thinking that I’ve saved myself from consuming more calories
4) I never had any restrain on my cravings and my husband indulges me every time so it’s really just up to me to say no.
5) I love to use butter, soy and salt excessively when cooking.
6) I couldn’t live without carbs be it bread, rice or pasta. They use to be my staples!
7) Fast food was my comfort food. I’d have a burger on a really stressful day.
8) Even if I was full, I’d always grab an extra cone of ice cream to top off my meal
9) I stopped drinking sodas but was highly dependent on sugary fruit drinks.
10) Exercising was counterproductive since it made me more hungry.
11) I would chew a small pack of gummy bear after a heavy meal.
12) I would munch on junk food when I’m bored.
13) I never listened to my body. I ate whenever I liked to and never paid attention as to how much my food weighed.

This journey has been a very good learning experience for me and it really helped me understand how I turned my body into this 150lbs of fat factory but I’m looking forward from hereon and striving to succeed in losing 15 kgs more. It might be a small weight to lose for some but it’s an uphill battle for someone like me who never used to have any restrictions in eating.

Gotta bring that sexy back in 3 months!

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The lightest I’ve ever been was 105 lbs.and that was more than a decade ago when I was still in high school. Since then I have ballooned to a horrific 158lbs. After coming back from a 10 day cruise in the Baltic region, I just couldn’t take it anymore. My husband and I took more than a thousand pictures during our vacation but I can only count with my hands the ones that I’m proud of. I had to either hide behind someone, a furniture or overload on a scarves to hide all evidence of gluttony.And It doesn’t help that I have inherited my dad’s really round face and my cheeks were starting to droop like a bulldog.

There is always a turning point in stopping one’s bad habit and that was the exact moment for me. I used to be pretty before but now everyone who sees me after a decade of absence can only comment discreetly about how I look like I am a) enjoying the married life and b) being well loved (read between the lines: You’re FAT!)

So a couple weeks back, I chanced upon a blog touching on the Cohen’s diet. I’ve always been one for the skeptics and never have faith on all these fad diets. In my mind, it’s another way of conning people like me to shell out cash. But this person, who spoke about her experience was a credible personality in the Philippines and I doubt if she will endorse this diet if she did not get the desired effect. She lost 15 pounds while on the diet in a month. I started researching since then but the price tag is quite hefty and there are no available clinics in my current location. With a little more digging, I found someone’s sample diet plan on some blog. I know that they highly discourage people from using other people’s plan because it’s suppose to be customized to your blood test but I thought to give it a dry run and see what happens .There are no medications what so over – It’s just a meal plan so I thought, the worst thing that can really happen is for me to faint while hopelessly trying to reach the next McDonald’s due to relapse. I took one look at the plan, went excitedly to the grocery and have been eating healthily since.

It’s day 13 and I’ve lost 9.92 pounds from just following the stolen plan. Eeeek. Not bad! I know it’s a dishonest thing and I should have probably gone and paid for the real deal but why should I, when everything is working just fine?

It’s like downloading music from pirate bay instead of paying for it in itunes. I mean common, who pays for music these days?

I know it’s a guarded secret but it’s just like taking free advice from a good friend. In this case, GOOGLE you will always be my best friend.

So friends, I’ll update you real soon if the stolen plan will continue to work wonders for me. And if you would like to take the risk and try it yourself, feel free to sound off in the comment board and I shall email it across.Albeit with a small caveat, I am not a health expert and for those with other health conditions, it’s best if you check with your doctor or nutritionist first before you embark on this journey. Better be safe than sorry.

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These last few weeks, I’ve been closely following the expose’ about the P10 billion worth of funds that have been funneled to the deep pockets of our politicians in the Philippines. It did not come as a surprise as it’s quite obvious how these people flaunt their wealth and luxurious lifestyles despite holding positions that are merely offering salaries in the range of  only P40,000. But the real concern is, how did it take them so long to realize this? Even an elementary student can tell you that it doesn’t quite add up.

 The crux of the matter is that we have greedy politicians abusing their power and siphoning these funds into their personal accounts. The evil of it all comes from the Priority Development Assistance Funds ( a.k.a Pork Barrel) which is an amount (roughly P200M per senator per year and P70 million for congressmen) made available to them at their discretion. In an ideal world, an honest and trustworthy politician will use his power to make sure that this reaches our poor farmers and fishermen, books ,education funds for the public, quality healthcare and public services for the masses to name a few but greed comes into the equation and I’m not saying that all our politicians are dirty but a good number of them are shameless and have such thick skins, you’d wonder if they’ll even burn if tossed in hell.

 Once upon a time, I was part of the working class in the Philippines, with mandatory tax deductions at the end of every payday ranging from a thousand to three thousand pesos. It would have been alright is these funds went to a rightful cause but they were just digits that we get deducted each and every time without fail just so they can fill their closets with Channel and Louboutins and live the good life. So no, it’s not encouraging news for an expat like me. I’d rather slave off in this tax free country than go home and contribute to their fat bank accounts.

Janet Napoles-Lim who is in the middle of all this frenzy appears all innocent, claiming not to even know what pork barrel is. Scandalous. I read and saw the video of her roundtable discussion with the Inquirer news and it’s quite obvious that she is out of her mind, insisting that they have acquired their wealth by legal means while the corporate tax filings fail to prove such and even after being dumped with piles of evidences linking her to dodgy Non-Government Organizations that are beneficiaries of the funds, she still tries to wiggle her way out albeit with everyone already finding her guilty in the court of public opinion. Never mind that she was previously involved in another fiasco in the supply of Kevlar Helmets to the Philippine Marines where her husband used to work. It isn’t so random, is it?  You would expect that for someone claiming to be a successful tycoon in the coal mining business, being forthcoming wouldn’t be too difficult but her web of lies are quickly catching up on her and doing that interview was like digging her own grave.

I’m slightly disappointed though that so much focus is being given to her when the Commission of Audit has already announced their initial findings on the misuse of these funds. Time is of the essence here. Parading the results to the public will just stir more trouble and encourage violence amongst the outraged citizens. Why don’t you act fast now and freeze all the accounts of the suspects like right about NOW?! But I’m sure the bulk of all the stolen funds must have been transferred and invested outside the country by now. We are not dealing with petty thieves here. Disgustingly, the only thing these dirty politicians are good at are planning how they can swiftly claim these funds as their own and there are various ways to do such. The cunning mind of a greedy person is a bottomless pit.

 Perhaps the biggest problem of our country is that majority of us still have very immature minds. The uneducated masses constitutes majority of the votes and they elect these thieves into office despite their incapability to lead and with past experiences of only being in the movie business. Would you hire a CEO of your company if his/her only experience is conjuring tears when the director says ‘action!’. The job of governing this country is not a joke and sadly most of our people still don’t realize that and perhaps the few people who knows how to choose are too tired to even try and make a difference.

But it doesn’t end there. Who’s to say that if we elect qualified officials, the whole system will run like a well-oiled machine? Greedy men will still exist in all forms and shapes and let’s not forget that man is insatiable. Proper checks and governance should be a priority when it comes to spending the country’s money. Hire third party companies, independent checkers – no matter how much it takes but there should be an iron clad fist when dealing with  these crooks and for heaven’s sake, pay them well enough so that they can’t be bought . More so, the penalty for getting caught should be as extreme as the death penalty. If other countries, hang drug mules and cut hands of thieves then why are we being so soft on them allowing house arrests only to be pardoned later on and be re-elected in office? Who’s got the balls to step up and just realize how wrong this all are?

Thing is, it’s a bad bad world out there. A few good men won’t make a difference but a deadly punishment for a pack of thieves gone wild might just be the answer.

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Although I hear about credit card scams and fraudulent transactions gone haywire in this part of the world quite often, I’ve never really given it some serious thought.

Sometimes I feel wary when some merchants would request me to send them a copy of my credit card (back & front) and I wonder what really goes on when I hand that card over and it’s taken away, out of sight whenever I pay the bill in a restaurant or what happens when one uses the card frequently for online transactions.

 I wish I have been more cautious but really, how does one make sure that the details are kept secure. It’s not like I have eyes stuck in every credit card transaction.

 A week ago, I was surprised to see some alien transactions on my card and have verified with my bank that yes, I didn’t teleport to the US of A  just to buy supplements and drop by at the MET museum in New York. I’ve been slaving off here in Dubai the week the transaction occurred so nope, that wasn’t me.

A couple thousand of Dirhams were charged on the card before it went over the limit. Thank the heavens I’ve stubbornly insisted to my dear husband that we maintain a low credit limit thus preventing the fraudster to go on a spree, courtesy of yours truly.

 Well anyway, I now have to go through the boring dispute process which takes like 49 years to be resolved! I mean, why can’t they just pick up the phone speak to whats-his-face in Bank-of-wherever and just credit me back already. I give it 2 or 3 days max to make that 2 mins phonecall. Life should be simple that way, yes?

But of course, in reality, whats-his-face first gives you the form, you send it back to him, he sends it for approval, it will be sent to gazillion departments and be pried over by thousands more before they can confirm that the customer is right. Teleportation has not yet been invented thus this transaction is fraudulent.

 Whew. So for the meantime, I’ll have to wait for the provisional credit amount which is probably lost in someone’s inbox and delayed because the person is probably on shortened Ramadan timings and will soon go off on EID holidays.

 Meanwhile, I sit tight and wait for my replacement card only to discover that another transaction that we were promised to have been cancelled had just gone through on the card again erroneously.

 Lordy. Another dispute form in Department Whatever